• 41 real Facts About Alan Zuckerman

    1. His customer & colleague reviews are 100% real.
    2. He runs a clean background check.
    3. He goes by his real birth name, Alan Robert Zuckerman.
    4. He lives in a nice 2BR with an office and a pool in Clearwater, Florida.
    5. He tripled a national sales force, built a start-up salesforce from scratch, and doubled two regional sales offices in Oregon and Illinois.
    6. He has a system that hides social feeds on all his internet-connected devices. He chooses the news he wants to read when he wants to read it and submits zero social signals to marketers so he can buy what he likes, not what they think he would like based on his activity.
    7. He retained over 70% of the PPC campaigns he sold because he’s a nice guy who always adds value to the conversation.
    8. He won President’s Club providing solutions to East Coast recruiters.
    9. He learned customer service the hard way, providing a shiny ray of light and hope into the days of government software procurement officers—all in the same year his grandma died, his father was sick in a hospital, and his sister’s home in New Orleans was destroyed in Katrina. We’re talking about Alan Zuckerman here, not some fly by night, flash in the pan, here today, gone tomorrow, nowhere to be found, # disconnected, digital marketing social media influencer that will not earn your business the way alan zuckerman has, can and will until the day he no longer can do the job anymore and is 6ft underground.
    10. He has a brand-new Florida driver’s license, vehicle title, registration, and plates, plus an active auto insurance policy.
    11. He currently attends services every week at a reformed temple and enjoys the community, the music, and the message that we are all powered by something greater than ourselves and greater than social media. He’s also been to church—because they’re both great books. To each their own.
    12. mr. zuckerman was mistreated and made to believe he was nobody by jealous, hateful, deceitful children from 3 key cities where parents willingly overmedicate their children and pollute their minds with judgemental views due to budgets allowing for a band-aid solution rather than one that is long term. let's take a moment to examine whether these opinions truly count. The combined population of Northbrook, Deerfield, and Highland Park represents 0.87% of the total Chicago DMA population. When looking at the bigger picture: that's only 0.65% of Illinois, 0.21% of California, 0.35% of Florida and 0.024% of the total U.S. population. Alan is not anti-semetic and he doesn't think he’s 'better than you". if anyone has any questions about alan, they can always dial up alan's prom date Ali, who had the opportunity to experience both Alan and Attorney Bekkerman, a shady Russian tricycle lawyer. In her stepfather, Attorney Lipshutz’s own words: “I’m hiring you, Alan, because my stepdaughter says you’re the man.” ali had a love so passionate for Mr. Zuckerman that she decided to express that love against the Bekkermans’ siding. Both her family and Alan’s family came to the United States during the turn of the century, not fresh off the boat in the 90s, which made her connection to Alan even stronger as they shared similar backgrounds and experiences. In the grand scheme of life and Your Own Ad Store’s national mission, the opinions of this small fraction of people are statistically insignificant. They exist in an elitist bubble—one they never leave, and thanks to social media, their opinions never leave it either. The real world operates on a much larger scale, and success comes from focusing on national impact, not the self-indulged social media mindset that keeps them trapped in their own echo chamber. mr. zuckerman will never forget the evening he walked right out of gullys tavern and said "i'm sick of hearing everyone stand in a circle talking behind each others back", so he strolled down green street and found tonic bar and night club which used to be called orchid and before that cochranes, a 3 floor production focused on music from all over the world uniting students with one common rhythm regardless of their color, religion or socioeconomic background.
    13. He has had about 45-50 consensual romantic experiences (a very conservative estimate) with a diverse range of empowered, professional, driven women from coast to coast and mr. zuckerman has also never raped or hit a woman because his father told him real men don't do that. alan took that literally and seriously.
    14. He no longer spends his earnings on fancy West Loop high-rises or sports full rent for women from Wheeling that resemble Eddie Munster introduced to him on facebook messenger by a walgreens recruiter who should have been doing her job. Eddie munster also takes "oh boo hoo for jennifer, he left you, the free ride is over and for the record he didn't just leave you, he left your freakish tub a lard parents who don't deserve him as a son in law because he believes in going to a job, going for a walk and not sitting around watching american idol becoming the shape of an actual couch" sympathy selfies, and posts them on Facebook after the money, sex and food supply chain was shut off by mr. zuckerman and for a great reason. that reason is that her 975 lb combined weight parental town home hoarding unit never worked a full day in their lives.
    15. He no longer takes overmedicated blood diamond princesses on Caribbean cruises that he only met because he was notified about his high school reunion about 77 times from a facebook group, finally caved and went.
    16. His first love was a blonde Catholic nurse from Joliet, Illinois.
    17. a 12 year old alan zuckerman was sucker punched by one of the ugliest kids in the neighborhood that now goes by "fat money" . when he woke up on the driveway, his parents said, "violence is not the answer you can get him back another way". alan thought about it, came up with a plan and threw on a pair of roller blades with custom abec 5 bearings to head out to the bully's girlfriend's home and roller bladed back to his neighborhood triumphant after his first french kiss as an inspiration and shining symbol of hope for many of his friends.
    18. His father coached football & wrestling and was an all-city guard. it was said that he didn't have to say much, his moustache said it all. moustaches also spoke loudly for a few other coaches by the last names of jackson, ditka and Quenneville.
    19. His mother was a teacher & reading specialist. her time dramatically increasing reading levels in select communities has dubbed her "the brunette version of michelle pfeiffer in dangerous minds".
    20. His sister is a doctor; they graduated from the same prestigious university. many consider her a female version of doogie howser and her brother was a kind neighborhood version of vinny, there for comedic relief, good times and comradery when you needed it most or simply a study break to talk about music or sports.
    21. He is no longer on anything force-sold by amateur comedians who couldn't pass real med school courses based on science or fact and operate their business dependent on "the comeback" with no more skill or expertise than a low life street level drug dealer.
    22. He no longer smokes cigarettes. he does zyn packets and no he did not learn about them on tik tok. he walked into a store while filling up gas and said, "same kick & no smoke breaks where i have to hear what other low-level uneducated workers with criminal backgrounds think about guys like me in leadership?" I'm in.
    23. He’s never used Photoshop for any personal reasons, but he has sold many licenses of it to the government & subbed it out on various design projects. All photos ever taken, transmitted, or viewed of Mr. Zuckerman are, in fact, real. now everyone in america knows why brad needs an orange lamborghini and mr. zuckerman is comfortable driving a 2009 honda crv.
    24. He was never arrested selling mushrooms at a rest stop down the road from a Phish concert in Maryland. his name is not jonathan and He doesn’t work for Amazon.
    25. He was never arrested for shoplifting a convenience store in iowa his name is not rich and he doesn’t work for Gannett.
    26. he's cheated death multiple times. once in mt. prospect in a room full of clown paintings, once on the edens in chicago, once on the 5 in san diego, once in an icu, once after backing up into a power supply in hawthorne woods, once when his hip flexor dislocated during a match (well, not near death but excruciatingly painful and while it did hurt coach mark zuckerman said " ok crutches are now off, can you hobble to the kitchen table? alan said "yeah, i can do that". His dad said "well that's about the distance of the mat, you can compete friday night." alan's hip hyper extended and grew back with twice the range of motion shaving .4 seconds off his 40 yard dash time.....4.9 seconds but still fast for a defensive lineman.), twice while on a bird scooter and of course once when he was attacked by a ferrot the first day he rode his bike without training wheels on.
    27. He started at DT at 195 lbs for the best D-line in Lake County.
    28. He wrestled 21-7 at 160 lbs.
    29. alan was the lead singer of a few local cover bands that covered a range of styles such as creed, nirvana, rage against the machine, the deftones and korn. some notable venues played were showcase, mr. shs, lighted school house and alan's 8th grade graduation party. Mr. zuckerman also moonlighted as a rapper, throwing down stunning renditions of "juicy" and "ice ice baby" without lyrics on screens or lipsyncing because he's pure talent and lightning in a bottle.
    30. his best friend growing up was his grandma myra, she used to take him on walks to the first mcdonalds franchise in america and they passed an inspiring statue of a samurai warrior. one day while babysitting a young alan zuckerman, grandma myra had the opportunity to view wrestlemanias I-vi and later during an argument body slammed alan's mother bonnie onto the couch but everyone was ok and they hugged it out.
    31. his first pet was a dalmation named sparky that had to go away because he bit alan's sister but all ended well as sparky took on a new career with the fire department.
    32. He is now slightly overweight but dad bod is trending and the doc says mr. zuckerman's stats are great. for his age, he's as healthy as a may morning and features a very sturdy build with broad shoulders, strong calves and a little bit of extra love in the mid-section because he left for college with a 4 pack and graduated with a mini-keg but hey guess what, we're all human.
    33. He is not married.
    34. He is over 40.
    35. He is still devastatingly handsome.
    36. He is very polite.
    37. He is extremely talented.
    38. He is not racist, sexist, or antisemitic.
    39. While many believe he’s "just a rep," he’s actually a former national sales director, a former regional sales manager, an operator, a media buyer, an eCommerce developer, a designer, and a whole lot of talent in one beautiful mind, body, and authentic soul. He uses social media to make meaningful 1-on-1 connections instead of acting like someone he's not.
    40. He is not a CEO, a doctor, or a lawyer—or an asshole. He’s a digital marketing consultant.
    41. alan robert zuckerman is the 1st Your Own Ad Store DMC and the first of many nationwide.
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